Do you like the Universal Monsters? The old black and white film versions of Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, Invisible Man, etc.?

If so, then you probably love classic horror. So do I. I grew up watching those flicks in syndicated TV and later on the glory that is TCM. Monsters who literally moved at their own pace, yet somehow managed to catch their prey, thank you to backing up and not watching where you’re going, victims, and special shout out to well placed furniture. the latter must have been constructed using parts from the monster’s place of birth (damnation?), to make it make sense, and that sounds like a story for later.

But since you like them, let’s contrast them with, say, modern horror monsters. Let’s take Jason (Friday The 13th franchise), Michael Myers (Halloween franchise), Freddy Krueger (A NIghtmare On Elm Street franchise), and for giggles, John Carpenter’s The Thing.

What are we trying to find out here? Well, who’s the better monster? The most violent? Driven? Interesting?

How about let’s decipher which era is the most frightening. To you.

Now, I don’t mean it frightens you while watching them on a screen. When we watch horror, we often envision ourselves in the plot. With that in mind, which would you rather be? Old School vic–I mean, protagonist, or New School? On TikTok, there’s an entire culture built around which superhero beats another if they fought to the death.

Here, I ask you to choose your fate and decide which would be worse for you? This may be a multi-part post each month. So I’ll break it down, one Old monster vs. New. Ready to di–fight back?

ROUND I: DRACULA VS. FREDDY KRUEGER

CHOICE I: It’s the 30’s and you’re poor but sometimes you get to snag some illegal booze. It’s dark. You and a pal are walking down a dark street in your town. You can barely afford this bold act of rebellion since it’s the Depression, but you haven’t been caught yet. A low lying fog appears for no reason whatsoever. Across the street, you feel as if someone is watching you. No one else is around.

Suddenly! There’s a man, a strange man with a pointed bang, a cape and a medal you don’t recognize because you never studied medals. He glares at you. You feel, compelled, to glare back. Your mind is weakening.

But who is he? You don’t know. You try to resist, but he’s so captivating in his stare. If only you’d practiced staring in the mirror more often! You blink, and that’s when it gets worse.

This man is now on your side of the street…holding your pal in one hand. His mouth opens, revealing two long fangs. Is he going to bite your bud?

Well, that’s it! You attack! But every blow you land does absolutely nothing but annoy this guy. He flings you away with the motion of a single finger. Now you’re in the low fog street, bruised, out of breath. By the time you look back, your pal is on the ground, bleeding at the neck. Unmoving.

And this man, his hand outstretched, is coming after you. Slowly. Barely walking. Gliding?

And you, once again, cannot make your muscles move…

“Good evening. I…am Dracula. I hunger. You will become my meal.”

Weakness. Everything in you gives in to a phenomenal weakness…

CHOICE II: It’s the 80s! You just got done drinking brews with the bros and watching some film your parents wouldn’t approve of. You go home, alone, because you’re a radical. Walkman on, music blasting in your ears.

You get in the house. Parents gone. You stuff your face with spray cheese and crackers, ice cream, then go upstairs to bed. Slowly the junk food and beers take their hold. Yes little teenage rebel. Sleep. Sleep.

You’re in high school. But it’s just you. Oh well. Teenagers don’t ask questions so you go into the gym and find a pep rally of all skeletons. This doesn’t seem exactly right, but you’re all about you, not them. So, you take a seat and cheer on the home team.

A burn victim next to you offers you some popcorn.

“Cool rally, huh?” His voice is ashy, super cringe, but he’s got popcorn! You take a handful and realize this guy is badass. But the popcorn feels funny. It moves in your hand. You look down…

They’re kernels. With faces. Human faces. Your Mom. Dad. Best friends. Even your pet! They’re writhing in agony inside each kernel.

“Not hungry, kid? Here, lemme help you.”

This guy has claws on his right hand (still a badass! you think) He dips one into Mom, who bursts and screams to death. Blood sprays in your face, goes up your nose. He’s laughing about it.

Now you realize life is serious. When did this happen? Maybe when you fell off the bleachers in disgust?

“Heh. Popped a zit.” the guy says as he now stands over you. Dammit. He’s also funny.

Oh wait! Did he just kill Mom? What the hell’s going on? Who’s gonna make your bed?

You throw the popcorn down, too teenage to debate whether or not you just killed off your entire supporting cast, and run out the door.

Claws scrape the hallway walls. You run and run, but every time you turn around, there he is! Two arms. Ten arms. Riding your dead Dad whose skin is stretched across a horse’s skeleton.

Then, he runs you over with Dadtaur. Breaks bones. You cry out in agony. He laughs.

“What’s that? Need a back massage? Well, I’m your guy, bud!”

He backs over you. Your Dad’s face sloughs off and wipes over you while you get rolled over. Slowly. Excruciatingly. This guy just laughs harder and harder and harder…

This could be a fun exercise. I chose two characters who both possess a wider array of supernatural powers. I left the scenes in dire spots so that can end them however you want. Also, I am not opposed to ‘What if Drac fought Fred, who would win?’ comments. Let’s go for it.

But seriously, as much as I drop the dark humor, I ask myself this question as I slowly pen a tale about old 50s monsters who will awaken in the modern day to face their bloodier counterparts. It’s made me ask lots of questions about old school horrors, why they worked then, and why they don’t now, and also if modern horrors are, well, too much? Are they designed for us (or young people) to get attached to them?

There are fans of each, and even more fans of both types. I’m the latter. So this is a fun topic for me to get into. What do you think?

Death by Drac, or death by Fred?

Who could whoop who? No holds barred. To the end.

Which era of horror suits you best, and why?